Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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