Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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