your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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