You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i've created a new STD.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
