He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
