i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
