the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have fence marks all over my body
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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