Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
