You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
