The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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