You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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