theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
