I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
