you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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