NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
