I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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