They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
