i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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