He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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