just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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