i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
