i jhust puked up my retainher.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i love accidental penises.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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