In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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