you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize