Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
