Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
