i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
