Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
