Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize