This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
