Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you will always have a special place in my vag
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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