I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
