Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
