Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize