apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
