did you get engaged???
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Randomize
