I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
