I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Everything about him screamed your future.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
