here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
is that a dick in a sweater?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
