My friends, they love my intelligence
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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