What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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