i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
