No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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