his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
