I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
