you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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