the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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