Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
