then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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