He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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