This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
