I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
