she looked like the before picture.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
