You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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