Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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