What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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