i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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