For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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