you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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