First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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