You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize