why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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