you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
