just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
