Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
