: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
