Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
