everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
