sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
