We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
