we have pet lesbian snakes
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Randomize
