Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
