well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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