he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
