The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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