I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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