hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
