dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
