i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Will exercising make me less horny?
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