So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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