i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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