did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
