We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
