A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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