please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
