yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
