no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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