dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
