She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
organizing the empties. That sober.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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