I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
