your room smells of hookers.
And success
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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