Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
