Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
