but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize