She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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