The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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