Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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