i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
