he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize