So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
