my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
