yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
