listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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