Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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