Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
what day is it and did you see me today?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize