is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
