I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
