operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
