Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
