So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
