is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
