Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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