i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
