I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
