but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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