she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
