I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
whose parrot is this?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
