I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
