I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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